Journal of Other Forum Analysis (Volume II, Issue 1)

[Hap Shaughnessy]

Valentine's Day thread:
https://www.resetera.com/threads/struggling-with-loneliness-on-days-like-today.1109835/

I can just not get over knowing how it feels to not be alone, to have someone understand you, and that being gone and over now in my life, even if it's been years and I don't care about the particular person anymore.

At first I was somewhat glad that I slowly transitioned from grief, rare panic attacks, and thinking that I wanna die daily (gonna be honest here - if it weren't for my cats who I feel I have to care for, I'd give it 50/50 towards me still being here after back then) to just a general feeling of being numb towards it all.

But days like today just remind me that it feels like I haven't felt a truly positive emotion in years. I still work. I take care of my pets. My flat isn't a terrible mess. I even visit family. I distract myself with games or shows or other things that I can still appreciate on whether they're well done or not, though, fun? Not sure about that one. At least I managed to talk again to people via things like Dnd. That's the closest thing I can think of when it comes to positives.

But there's something fundamentally wrong to my everyday, it feels like, without a partner, that any other company can't fix.

Anyway I'll probably regret writing this stupid shit later, there's a lot worse problems to have, but I appreciate that I can post this right now.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/struggling-with-loneliness-on-days-like-today.1109835/#post-135809430

You summed up a large portion of why I'm in a terrible mood today, OP. It's not helped that most of January, someone had matched with me on a dating site, was the first to contact me, & after three weeks of talking online, we had a lunch date that lasted three hours & it felt like it went super well....only for her to ghost me afterwards to the point she hasn't even logged back onto the dating site, so I've been having to battle this nagging "what did I do wrong?" feeling, making me feel worse about myself.

Not helped my work day is going to be half spent in a cold room with no windows by myself.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/struggling-with-loneliness-on-days-like-today.1109835/#post-135810318

I'm just going to drug myself to sleep early or something.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/struggling-with-loneliness-on-days-like-today.1109835/#post-135816276

As for Valentines, it's not the nicest day for single pringles like us. But there are some bright spots to look to, for instance a fuck ton of Valentines chocolate is going on steep discount tomorrow morning and I'm going bargain shopping!

https://www.resetera.com/threads/struggling-with-loneliness-on-days-like-today.1109835/#post-135817344

Honestly 2/14 doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Basically in high school over a decade ago at this point, asked this girl I liked out on Valentines Day, got rejected, and just proceeded to not seriously pursue any romantic interests since in lieu of just focusing on college, my hobbies, and getting a job and whatnot. Nowadays though, I've just sort of accepted that I'll probably never find anyone unless I make some serious changes to myself and personal habits first and foremost. It's hard enough for me to find the motivation to stay awake throughout the day, take care of my health, eat, and get out of my room, let alone leave the house and meet new people (It doesn't help that I'm also really shy around strangers). It's not quite as debilitating as it was a few years ago, but it still feels like I'm stuck in this rut that's impossible to get out of. Outside of hanging out with my friends once a week to watch movies/anime and build model kits, I barely interact with anyone, and that crippling loneliness has really begun to get to me over the past year or so. But as for V-day as a whole? I've just become numb to it and don't care anymore since true affection has become such a foreign concept to me.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/struggling-with-loneliness-on-days-like-today.1109835/#post-135825039

Kinda know how you feel OP, but I've never had a partner. Sleep deprivation and loneliness was terrible for me this week. Fortunately its the weekend now so I can just chill and keep myself distracted.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/struggling-with-loneliness-on-days-like-today.1109835/#post-135827112

I have never been in a romantic relationship and it sometimes depresses me a lot, but Valentine's doesn't really feel like anything special. I tried Tinder last month, but not really having much luck there - one match that fizzled out when messaging and two matches that didn't respond so far, and I already exhausted the users in my geographical and age range in my city.

I don't know if real life venues are going to ever do it to me either. I was quite active in student activities and went to parties and events in high school and university, but nothing else but regular friendship with women ever took place, so I am pretty suspicious of the "just go out and be more social" advice in this matter. That being said I am more of a hermit now in my 30s than I was in my teens and 20s. Maybe I've just had bad luck to never run into anyone who would be into me for decades, but being on spectrum probably doesn't make it easier either. I got zero idea how I even could tell that someone would be interested in me and no woman has ever said so directly. In all honesty I also do worry I just might not be a good and appealing partner, it probably would take a lot of patience from a woman to put up a man in his mid-thirties who would have to learn everything about dating and intimacy from zero experience to begin with, and I'm not sure if I have enough going on for me to be seen as worthy of that much effort.

Oh well, at least there are video games and other escapism for distractions.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/struggling-with-loneliness-on-days-like-today.1109835/#post-135843285

I have similar feelings about it. I'm often desperately lonely, and have had few relationships so most Valentines Day are spent alone.

It doesn't help that it's my birthday too, so it's a mixture of being depressed about getting older and being depressed about being alone.

So I can understand where you're coming from.

https://www.resetera.com/threads/struggling-with-loneliness-on-days-like-today.1109835/page-2#post-138063855

I... don't think there is, besides the passage of time feeling like it scrapes away more of my sanity.

As for a doctor... logically, I know I should talk to one. I haven't had a happy day in over two years. It just feels impossible to muster the energy for it. Part of it is that my sleep is entirely compromised and I'm usually awake at nights and asleep during the day, but the bigger part is that emotionally... I don't really have hope of a doctor being able to help with this. I know that logically I should still go. It's just hard to actually implement.