4 hours ago
https://www.resetera.com/threads/fell-out-with-a-friend-when-trying-to-get-some-space-amicably-and-the-feeling-sucks.986499/
Quote:Sorry to rant, my struggles are nothing compared to what I see on this forum on a near daily basis, i just really needed a space to talk about it.
I've tried to make a tldr at the end, but here's the situation if you have the time to read in full.
We were watching a series together online, slowly but surely we'd watch some dragon ball (original) and we'd chat on the phone for about 4 hours a day.
It was my suggestion we start watching it since he's never seen it, and we're near the end, he has expressed interest and enjoys it too from what I can tell.
Anyway, in an effort to not just be the one putting forward suggestions, and because he wants to play a game with me and we have limited options, I put forward halo one of our favourite games, to which he was happy to play, I paid for membership and we started a campaign. Due to poor judgment on my part we spent 6 hours on two attempts of a level he didn't want to do after the first failure that's on me.
Out of the blue today he texts me saying let's hang out, but we won't be watching dragon ball or playing halo. Eager to finish the last 15 episodes before taking a break between z, and because I found him specifying this odd, when talking I called out the specific won't's to see why. He blamed the halo experience for this, and said he wanted to stop watching it for a month, to do other things.
In the past this friend has disappeared on me for months without any warning as to why, e.g we'd have online plans and he'd not show up (which is common) I'd check in make sure he's alright and get no response.
It once got so bad I had to phone him to see if he was alive, he acted surprised and claimed he was too busy to speak right now. So I thought hang on, this sounds like he needs some space, let me see.
When I pushed slightly at the suddenness of it, he doubled it down to two months before we continued (i was just trying to discover why the sudden change mind you, ideally I wanted to finish this arc and we could take a year off for all I cared) and because I don't want resentment I told him let's just be honest here and admit we need some space, we've been hanging out for a lot each day, and want different things right now.
He didn't seem for it, nor particularly against it either. I made sure to stress it wasn't because I was angry about anything, that I'd be around if anything big came up and he needed to talk. I also mentioned I needed to get my life together a bit (which is true) and that this was a good opportunity to do that.
We left the call and I felt a bit free, like I had gotten some much needed space I'd been putting off because I enjoyed watching a series with a friend enough to go out of my way to do so. Five minutes later he texts me saying.
"Just so we're transparent, I was just seeing how you'd react if we took dragon ball out of the equation, the reaction was wild, see you in a few months! Or whatever."
And it hit me, he'd been manipulating me to see how I'd react and like a fool I'd bitten again hook line and sinker.
Needless to say I was and am upset, I told him as much, not only doing it to get my genuine reaction which is messed up to me, but then to tell me to make me feel worse cut me deeply.
I feel a bit broken, what little trust I had is shaken, and find myself hating the part of me that's always so honest and straight-laced.
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The tldr is I have a long time friend who used my love of watching a series together to manipulate me into sharing some of my resentments against the silly amount of time we spend together, by pretending he didn't want to watch it for a month, only to tell me as much after I poured out my soul, so I now feel really embarrassed and betrayed, and lost.
Don't worry if you don't have anything to add, in a way posting this helps by itself, but I'm open to talk about it too, goodness knows I don't have anyone irl who'd be interested.