Conspiracy Theories

[benji]

White Hats, he added, quickly acquired the names of current employees at WNEP and probed their backgrounds for ties to either Kamala Harris or other Democratic candidates. A cursory investigation didn’t thin the herd, for all of WNEP’s on-air personalities and production team had contributed financially to the campaigns of Kamala Harris and Senator Bob Cassey (D-PA). The newsroom clearly had no impartiality; it was one hundred percent Team Harris and suffering from that incurable ailment known as Trump Derangement Syndrome.

The White Hats then targeted what they believed to be the “weakest link” in WNEP’s hierarchical structure: a lowly production assistant named Stephen Stimesworth. Although he was absent from work the day the graphic aired, he had contributed several thousand dollars to Democrats. He also kept 31 “sock puppet” social media accounts, which he used to besmirch Trump and shill for Harris.

“This guy was terminally online posting. It’s amazing he had time to do any real work. We didn’t think he pushed the graphic live—he didn’t have that kind of authority. But we figured he might know the person who did or was complicit,” our source said.

On Thursday, Halloween night, Stimesworth was home alone handing out candy to trick-or-treaters and unaware that US Marines parked in a civilian van across the street from his Moosic, PA, home were surveilling him and awaiting a chance to pounce. At 9:30 p.m. Stimesworth hung a sign on door that read “no more candy.” He couldn’t have known that the next doorknockers had no sweet tooth for chocolate, Skittles, Sweet Tarts, or candy corn. They craved something else: the truth.

And they did not knock politely. Rather, they stormed the house, smashing the door from its hinges with a battering ram and charging inside with weapons drawn. Our source said they wanted to impress upon Stimesworth the severity of the situation, of his situation.

Our source added that Stimesworth folded like a lawn chair under interrogation, denying involvement but claiming to know who at the station created the graphic. He implicated WNEP technology director Mike Morkavage, a relatively obscure 20-year-long employee at WNEP. Stimesworth claimed that Morkavage manufactured the faux Harris victory but was not responsible for shoving it live into the faces of thousands of viewers during the F1 race.

As time was of the essence, the Marines decided to visit Morkavage immediately instead of waiting for Marine Corps Forces Cyberspace Command to review his background, which would have taken considerable time. Since they couldn’t risk Stimesworth alerting Morkavage or other WNEP employees to their presence, they arrested him as a potential accomplice.

The Marines arrived outside Morkavage’s Wilks-Barre domicile at 1:00 a.m. After disabling a home security system, they entered the residence and found Morkavage sleeping in the nude beside an unidentified 20-something male, with Morkavage, the sick bastard, “spooning” his lascivious liaison.

“Our guys injected the unknown with a fast active sedative then woke up Morkavage. He screamed ‘holy shit’ seeing a dozen Marines hovering over the bed he shared with his gay lover. The Marines questioned him, but he denied everything. In fact, he said he supported Trump, but evidence around and outside the home told a different story. He had a dozen Harris-Walz lawn flags and bumper stickers for them on both his cars. Also an LGBQT+ pride flag. More than that, there were anti-Trump news clippings all over his house. We felt we had one of the responsible parties, even if he himself didn’t show the visual on air,” our source said.

The Marines, he said in closing, arrested Morkavage on charges of treason, election interference, and intent to willfully disseminate enemy propaganda.

“We’ll find out who else is behind it, even though the election is tomorrow,” he said.