Conspiracy Theories

[benji]

US Special Forces on Monday arrested the criminal and former presidential candidate Kamala Harris on charges of treason after her flight, a standard Boeing 747 painted to mimic the highly classified VC-25s known as Air Force One and Air Force Two when an actual president or vice president is aboard them, landed at Joint Base Andrews following her weeklong Hawaiian vacation.

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Neither Harris nor her husband knew that half of her security detail had betrayed her and were feeding details on her movements and conversations to White Hats on the mainland. A growing number of Secret Service personnel, White Hat sources told Real Raw News, are working arduously to restore prestige to an agency that descended into darkness under Deep State rule. These federal “5th Columnists” were reportedly well-vetted prior to working alongside White Hats.

While in Hawaii “guarding” Harris, these agents told White Hats that a miserably depressed Harris had spent her vacation “chewing out her husband,” woefully bewailing her loss, which she scapegoated on both Donald Trump and Jill Biden. Harris purportedly trashed her vacation suite, hurling a pricey vase against a wall as she accused Trump of cheating and Jill of voting for him instead of her. When her husband, Doug Emhoff, tried to pacify her, suggesting that she accept the loss and retire from politics, Harris flung a coffee mug at his head—then blamed him for breaking it, saying, “See what you made me do.” When not berating her husband, she spent hours on the phone commiserating with fellow Democrats, asking many, including Chuck Schumer and AOC, whether she could legally refuse to certify the electoral vote for Trump and instead name herself the victor.

Although Harris had booked the suite through Tuesday, the Secret Service convinced her to leave a day early using a ploy White Hats had previously used to move Deep Staters around by concocting non-existent threats to their safety. They informed Harris that the Michigan Militia, a paramilitary Michigan-based organization founded in 1994 by Norman Olson, discovered the resort at which she was staying and had come to Hawaii to abduct her or summarily execute her. Fifty trigger-happy, bloodthirsty, MAGA-loving militia members were at that moment on a flight to Hawaii, they told her.

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However, he added, White Hats will force Harris to certify the electoral count before shipping her to GITMO.

“We apologize to Michigan Militia and hope they’re as happy as we are with the end result. Harris is finished,” our source said.

Spoiler:  (click to show)(click to hide)

You are sitting at home in the living room, or at the dining table, alone or with family, when a blinding white light shines through a window and piercing crepuscular rays impel an investigation. Gone are the moon and stars in a quadrant of the sky, obscured by the visage of an incorporeal bearded man adorned in pearlescent robes and a crown of thorns atop his head. Jesus Christ looms above you, his glowing arms splotched with blood where Roman soldiers drove spikes into his wrists.

Your neighbors are stepping outdoors, gazing skyward. Some fall to their knees in prayer or supplication. Others, mouths agape, just stare quizzically, pointing at the ethereal figure hanging in the sky miraculously. Cars on your block come to a screeching halt, nearly colliding with a man who, kneeling in the center of the road, cries out at the top of his lungs, “Take me, I’m ready.”

Finally the figure speaks, and certainly not soothingly. A thunderous voice echoes in the darkness. It is not the visible and glorious Second Coming for which we pray. Tribulation or Rapture is not at hand. The roaring voice sounds cross, and it anathematizes followers of Christianity for embracing and idolizing a false prophet and for stationing him above the Lord. The image of Christ reveals its nemesis: “Thou who hast worshipped Donald Trump be guilty of idolatry. Thou hast turned away from scripture and repent for thine sins and are deceived by the great deceiver. Thou must forsake Donald Trump the Destroyer and abide by thy true faith. Retribution to those who do not; Salvation for those who do. Trump the Destroyer must be stricken from thine hearts and minds, and from Earth. Only then will salvation come.”

The voice goes silent, and stillness fills the air. The image fades, and the moon and stars fill the sky again.

The scene described above could’ve occurred in skies across America Christmas night if White Hats this week hadn’t destroyed five advanced holographic projectors and five experimental space planes, each the size of an F-15 fighter jet, at the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency’s (DARPA) clandestine “psychological manipulation” facility 35 miles southeast of Sacramento, in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada mountains.