Conspiracy Theories

[Nintex]

He’s back!!!

Nintex do you still have money leftover after buying the trump coin?

I'm waiting for $hermancain 

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[Nintex]

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[Polident]

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[TylenolJones]

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[TylenolJones]

In 20 years it’ll be remembered as the greatest Super Bowl halftime show ever once all the hidden symbols are understood. 

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[TylenolJones]

That’s a great way to get the deep state to double check the list and kill anyone still around.

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Clones of long-dead Deep Staters, or those absconding from justice, have been crawling out of the woodwork to disrupt President Donald J. Trump’s gutting of the federal government, a mission he and DOGE administrator Elon Musk, the world’s wealthiest person, have undertaken to slash rampant spending and stop the Deep State from plunging the nation into irrecoverable bankruptcy.

Musk and his team last week became mired in controversy when they accessed the United States Agency for International Development’s (USAID) database and discovered innumerable questionable, unconstitutional, or illegal disbursements, such as spending $50 million on prophylactics for Gaza citizens and, later, funding the liberal mainstream media (i.e., Politico). Meanwhile, President Trump’s federal hiring freeze, mass firings, and removal of DEI and transgender language from government websites enraged Democrats on the Hill and their army of sycophantic civilians.

Democratic lawmakers begged Deep State federal judges to issue preliminary injunctions to thwart “Trump and Musk’s federal government takeover” and called upon citizens to hold mass protests at state capitols nationwide and across Washington D.C.

When Chuck Schumer announced he would attend last Wednesday’s riot at the Treasury Building, White Hats at Camp Pendleton and JAG officers in Pensacola were listening, for JAG has an unresolved indictment with Schumer’s name on it.

The undercover JAG agents embedded within the liberal mob, however, doubted they would catch Schumer. Not because he had security or was a master of evasion but because White Hats had already arrested two Chuck Schumers in the last 16 months—both of which were clones, evidenced by absence of genitalia.

“Despite the destruction of cloning labs in Alaska and Missouri, the clones still pop up all over the place. Either there’s a surplus of premade clones out there, or there’s more cloning labs hidden that we haven’t found,” a JAG source told Real Raw News. “Real, clone, or body double, the more we get rid of, the fewer they’ll have. And eventually we’ll get’em all or they’ll expire, or we’ll find any labs they still have. We figured there was a 1:100 chance the Schumer at the riot was really Schumer. A longshot.”

Jag guessed correctly. Agents had caught up with Schumer and his bulky bodyguard after the rally. They had isolated the pair a block from the Treasury Building on 14th Street Northwest, where Schumer and his guard stood on the curb awaiting their limousine. JAG found them first. In a blur of motion the duo got yanked off the street and pulled inside a nondescript van that hurriedly sped away. The agents in the van prodded them with stun batons and stuck a sedative-filled syringe into the bodyguard’s neck.

They tugged Schumer’s trousers below his waist; his manhood was missing. Our source said JAG “terminated” the clone and “deposited” the still-alive bodyguard in a drainage ditch in Silver Spring, Maryland.

“We’d no reason to keep the bodyguard, and we need what space we have for VIP Deep Staters. They’re probably growing another Schumer right now. Sometimes when we terminate the clones, they void their bowels, and it doesn’t smell good,” the source said.

We asked an offbeat question: “How do the clones, if they lack genitalia, urinate?”

“It’s been our unfortunate observation both male and female clones piss out of their ass—a genetic anomaly in the cloning process,” our source answered.

We also asked if the actual Chuck Schumer might be dead.

“We haven’t caught or executed him, so until we have proof of death, we must assume he’s still out there hiding somewhere,” the source replied. “They’re clones of dead and alive Deep Staters—the Liz Cheneys, the Sonyia Sotomoyers, the Gavin Newsoms, the Janet Yellens and so on. There’s only one surefire way to get rid of the plague of clones: wiping out the ones we find and finding cloning labs still in operation.”

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[who is ted danson?]

[Ethan]

Religions were created to prevent us from destroying ourselves?

[TylenolJones]

That’s a great way to get the deep state to double check the list and kill anyone still around.

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[killamajig]

bob woodward taking shots from Bill  

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[Nintex]

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[chronovore]

The reality is that the only gun control laws passed in the USA came after the Black Panthers exercised their very real right to bear arms. Freaked racist americans the fuck out. Only time the USA has been able to enact gun control legislature.

[TylenolJones]

Alex finally gets his own Seth Rich!!!

[benji]

The reality is that the only gun control laws passed in the USA came after the Black Panthers exercised their very real right to bear arms. Freaked racist americans the fuck out. Only time the USA has been able to enact gun control legislature.

I just want you to know this isn't true. Even the Gun Control Act of 1968 which is typically cited as this was in response to the MLK/RFK assassinations and other events. And that law was hardly the only gun control legislation ever passed by Congress, for one thing it was an addition to the National Firearms Act of 1934. Much like the Brady Law signed by Bill Clinton in 1993 that's more colloquially known as the assault rifle ban. (Despite not banning assault rifles, that's what they claimed it would do even though they knew it wouldn't.) The GCA of 1968 didn't even ban any guns and was supported by the NRA because it only regulated firearms dealers who dominated the NRA of the time.

It's a confusion with laws that were passed in California when Reagan was governor that did explicitly respond to the Black Panthers standing around in public with rifles. Reagan's presidential bids were threatened by this until he made a mea culpa. The most ironic thing is that he apparently meant it as he could have easily done something after being shot but chose not to.

[benji]

The disgruntled CIA agents, terminated as part of DOGE’s cost-cutting initiative, had intended to hire mercenaries to abduct Trump and his military aide, who carries the nuclear football in one of those countries, and, after eliminating Secret Service and foreign protection details, bring them to a prearranged safehouse. There, they would inject into Trump’s veins a halogenic drug, a CIA invention tailored to make him highly susceptible to suggestion. Holding and reading from the “nuclear biscuit,” a laminated card holding the launch codes to the United States’ nuclear arsenal—Trump could unleash total devastation, assuming his generals at STRATCOM obeyed his orders.

This ill-conceived and unlikely-to-succeed plan was the brainchild of four intelligence operatives who felt betrayed by Trump and had access to a slush fund of CIA “black project” cash. All four lost their jobs on February 4 due to “poor performance” and sought revenge against their perceived enemy. Together, they worked as intelligence analysts at the agency’s headquarters in Langley, Virginia.

An ARCYBER source told Real Raw News that President Trump ordered them to perform routine surveillance on fired or furloughed intelligence agents, fearing some might sell US secrets to foreign powers. What ARCYBER unearthed was far more sinister.

On February 18, as part of routine reconnaissance on a score of fired CIA agents, ARCYBER parked a surveillance truck across the street from the home of William Jackon, one of the aforementioned four; an outspoken critic of President Trump and a 12-year veteran at the CIA, Jackson had on several occasions, following J6, called Trump an insurrectionist and advocated for his imprisonment. His disparaging comments put him at the top of ARCYBER’s watchlist.

ARCYBER used parabolic microphones and an arsenal of surveillance equipment that exceeds our ability to technically articulate, but they heard a telephone conversation between Jackson and a then-unknown party in which Jackson seemed to be speaking in unintelligible gibberish. ARCYBER intuited the pair were speaking in code.

While our source wouldn’t say how ARCYBER deciphered the code, as doing so could imperil their efforts, he did say Jackson was too unintelligent for an intelligence agent and hadn’t bothered to use a burner phone.

“Through that conversation and others, we figured out a rouge band of ex-agents devised a ludicrous plan to drug the President and make him launch nukes on Moscow. Honestly, it’s some pretty absurd shit, and some of the most outlandish conversations we’ve heard. But one thing we verified—these evil bastards had access to several million dollars they wanted to use to hire foreign mercenaries to carry out the plot. There are safeguards to prevent the unauthorized launch of nuclear weapons, so, even if they, sometime in the future, kidnapped Trump, there’s zero chance…no possibility it could’ve happened. But if they had hired a hundred mercenaries and got them to where Trump might be, they sure could’ve caused havoc,” our source said.

You'd think killing the Secret Service might alert people about the orders they'd receive shortly thereafter.